pitter patter

rain, rain go away…

have i mentioned that i don’t like rain? i used to love it back in college, the steady pitter patter of raindrops on the evergreen foliage made everything seem to come alive on campus. it would rain nearly every single afternoon in UPLB, and the writer in me reveled in the portents of gloom and doom that those downpours would bring. although i must admit that after some time i resented having to mop up the mud that i would bring in all over my dorm room floor.

it’s raining today, and i’m not in UPLB. instead, i’m at home, bored to death. for someone who hasn’t driven a car in nearly 2 years, i’m not about to go out in a storm like this one. self-amusement is today’s main preoccupation, and i can only play so much chicken invaders before going nuts.

being stranded in one’s own home may not seem so bad, but a person like me, who has not satyed at home since college gets stir-crazy after some time. i guess i don’t like it when the weather reflects what’s going on inside my head: this crazy, all consuming, quarter-life crisis that i seem to be wallowing in for the past few weeks is threatening to reach a breaking point.

i sure hope the sun comes out tomorrow, if not soon…

what’s worse than being 24 and lonely?

turning 25 and still feeling lonely.

those who know me will attest to the fact that i’m not a fan of sitting and moping around. which is why i hate the fact that i’ve been spending the past few days doing exactly that. clearly, turning 25 has become a minor obsession for me.

so much has changed in my life since graduation last april, and though i’ve always believed myself to be a person who thrives on change, i guess i must admit that i’m not as strong as i think.

most of my crazy med school friends have gone to different hospitals, and this irrational part of me believes that i got left behind in good old USTH. not being around them everyday has taken a lot of getting used to, and i don’t think i’ve completely come to terms with that fact just yet. after four years of struggling with their complex personalities, it seems that the moment that they were out of my sight, then i realized just how integral to my happiness they’ve become: the arguments, the struggles, the petty quarrels, the bickering…and also the laughing, the singing, the dancing, the gossip sessions, not to mention the eating…oh and yes, we occasionally studied as well. from lab cons to research papers to SGD’s, to heart to heart talks and confessions, to clerkship and messed up love lives… it was a blissful extended adolescence for us.

but then the halcyon days must come to pass. time to be an adult now. and that scares me big time.

these words took a long time coming, but they’ve always been in my heart; and like anything important in life, they’re worth saying: to the ADHD gang, (you know who you are) thank you for the precious time we spent together.

char, jam, lee, janina, mishi, april and abbey… retreat roommates extraordinaire!

sheila and joanna, may i always find you even in the deepset recesses of USTH when i’m feeling sad and in need of a hug. or food. hehe.

i know it shouldn’t be such a big deal, but 25 is a lot closer to 30 than 24 is…